Joy in Family Life — April
Joy in Family Life — April
“But the godly are happy; they rejoice before God and are overcome with joy.”
Have you decided to be a family? Have you determined that you will indeed celebrate the personalities and preferences of those amazing individuals who live under the same roof? So much about “us” is up to us!
As the mother of the unique brood that you have been given, are the keeper of the keys of your family. To a large degree, you hold the exclusive key to the happiness that your family will experience, the contentment that is shared and the bonding that is cultivated. Every door of fun, of traditions and of celebration that you unlock, as the keeper of the keys, is a door that is now open for the purpose of apprehending a happier family life and toward more contented individuals. A mother is the one person who can decide to honor the miracle that is named “family”. She knows that happiness happens in the family room of her heart.
When your children are mere infants, you will gather them in your arms. As they grow into toddlers they will be assembled around your knees. As they become lively and precocious school-age children they will likely congregate around the kitchen table or in the family room. And then, when they leave the nest, the traditions that you established, the games that you played and the fun that defined your brood will linger still in the hallways of your heart.
Children should experience their first truly wonderful memories in the family home. When a child thinks of home, he or she should think of safety, faith, stability and fun. The family room is a place of laughter and raucous games; it is marked by creativity, innovation and traditions. The family room just may be the very best place of a mother’s heart because this is where unity is perfected and where identity is established. We are a family because of the happenings in family room.
One of the greatest and longest lasting gifts that you can give to your children is the gift of family traditions. Traditions are likely to become the glue that ties the heart of the children together as they grow into adults. Developing and maintaining traditions is chiefly the job of the mother who is the keeper of the keys to the family room.
Traditions are the sweetest and most long-lasting ways of declaring, “We are a family! We belong together! We love doing life together!” Our lives are richer for the shared rituals that are worthy of marking and sustaining. A tradition is a family holiday without a name; it is a calendar-worthy event that claims no red-letter day on any other calendar but the one that hangs in your home.
The traditions that you establish in your home today are the memories that your children will embrace tomorrow. Traditions require forethought and focused intentionality and, best of all, they will leave lasting footprints on your child’s heart. Meg Cox, the author of “The Book of New Family Traditions”, defines these beloved family rituals as “any activity you purposefully repeat together as a family that includes heightened attentiveness and something extra that lifts it above the ordinary ruts.” Family traditions create the very fabric of the life that happens within your home.
Traditions are able to shape a child’s personal identity simply because they tell a story about one’s family. These beloved habits can also strengthen the family bond. Research has discovered that families who value traditions as part of the culture of their family develop stronger unity than families who don’t participate in or enjoy family customs.
Traditions also supply relief from the busy world that children often live in; family habits can offer a constant that becomes a shelter from the outside world. Traditions are able to provide both comfort and security to children who are going through change in their lives such as relocation to a new home, the birth of a baby or the death of a grandparent.
One of the aspects of family traditions that I cherished the most was the opportunity to teach family values. The tradition of praying around the dinner table or before bedtime communicates the fact that our family believes in prayer. The tradition of reading bedtime stories embraces the esteem that we hold for reading and for literature. When there is music playing in the home during the morning hours, it re-enforces the joy that music offers to family life
Traditions can also serve as a lovely way to connect the generations when you include grandparents, cousins or aunts and uncles in movie night, a scavenger hunt or memory night. Sociologists have found that children who have a high level of grandparental involvement have fewer emotional and behavioral problems. Also, regular involvement by the grandparents in a family’s life is associated with lower maternal stress and higher involvement from the father.
And finally, traditions create lasting memories that will linger long beyond the years of childhood. Sweet and genuine memories will help to develop an emotionally healthy and stable adult.
Sometimes, traditions are planned and well crafted; at other times, traditions are born out of sheer desperation. Such is the birthday tradition that we began nearly 40 years ago when our oldest sons were only two and four years old. On a cold, winter morning, when my bank account was low but my boys’ deserved a birthday celebration, I discovered that necessity truly is the mother of invention Matthew and Christopher were born during the month of January just two years apart. Their birthdays were only two days apart. Trying to live on a pastor’s salary was challenging enough year-round but was especially difficult during the holiday season. We never had time to recover from the expenses of Christmas before it was time to celebrate these two small men whom we loved more than life itself!
On the evening before Christopher’s birthday, I knew that I wasn’t able to buy him a new train set, a teddy bear or even a small car. We had the ingredients for a birthday cake for both boys but that was the limit of our budget during that frigid season. I looked at what I had and what I could possibly make for my excited sons. I found that I had construction paper, glitter, markers and tape. Now, believe me when I say that I am not a creative genius but with love in my heart laced with fortitude, I began to make birthday signs for my little men.
“Chris is 2!”
“Matt is 4!”
“Happy Birthday!”
“You make me smile!”
“Jesus loves you!”
The signs were simple but sparkly; they were written with love and placed all over our small home. There was a birthday sign on every kitchen cabinet, on the bathroom mirror and on each window in the house. Birthday signs were hanging from light fixtures, they were attached to the television screen and they were plastered on their bedroom ceilings.
The birthday signs continued through the years and their messages grew with our family:
“Mom, Dad, Matt, Chris, Jordan and Joy all love Joni Becca!”
“September 2, 1988”
“Carolyn Joy-Belle McLeod is 10!”
As the years passed, we became more creative with the signs and listed their favorite TV shows, favorite books and best friends. It was an inexpensive but valuable way to show our love for our children on their birthday and to involve the entire family. The wonder of it all is that although my children are grown and gone with families of their own, the tradition continues. They now make birthday signs for their families and their children are beginning to enjoy this meaningful yet simple birthday tradition.
Another birthday tradition that filled our home with security and love was the practice of giving a “word gift” to each person on their birthday. Each family member came to the dinner table prepared to say one kind thing about the person whose birthday we were celebrating. It was a gift of love that meant more than anything tangible that had been wrapped in bright colored paper and tied with a fetching bow.
After the “word gifts” had been given by every person to the birthday child, then we laid hands on the person who was being celebrated and prayed for him or for her. At the close of the day, as the birthday child was being tucked into bed, I would lovingly tell the story of the day of his or her birth, often through sobs and tears. It became a treasured tradition to remember the day of their birth that had changed my life forever.
In our achievement-driven society, often dinnertime is the only time that a family truly sits down just to be together and to enjoy each other’s company. The bonding that takes place at dinnertime over a shared meal should always be peppered with interesting conversation. It is of vital importance for all members of your family to sit down once a day to enjoy a nutritious meal, to look into each other’s eyes and to hear one another’s hearts.
If you, as the mom, will put just a little effort into making the meal a time of celebration and sweet sharing, you will find that it goes a long way toward the goal of uniting the hearts of your family together in love.
Every meal should begin with prayer. Even if the entire family is not together, the ones who are gathering should always remember to pray together for God’s blessing on the food and to thank Him for His provision. At our family table, we took turns praying so that everyone had a chance to lead the family in prayer. We didn’t allow anyone to skip his or her turn but encouraged each one to be a contributor to the family tradition of prayer.
Although it wasn’t a daily achievement, there were many dinners during the week at which I lit a candle or two, used real cloth napkins and even hauled out the fine china. It’s true that some nights we ate on paper plates with plastic utentsil and how we all loved those dinners that were gloriously easy to clean up! However, I also knew that my children needed to be taught manners and to experience the peace that is able to envelope a meal when beauty is expressed by place settings, classical music and even fresh flowers. When a child realizes that a meal has been thoughtfully designed and creatively presented by their mother, his or her heart opens to the wonder of family fellowship and shared unity.
We did not allow disagreements to take place at the dinner table. If a verbal scuffle broke out between two of the children over a family meal, they were both quickly sent away from the dinner table and could only come back when they had forgiven each other and were ready to be kind and encouraging.
The purpose of the dinner hour was to be one of shared interests, listening hearts and captivating conversation; I was the one who held the keys to opening the door to a fruitful and nutritious exchange.
Craig and I often prepared “Dinner Table Questions” to stimulate conversation in which all ages could participate.
“What is your favorite toy right now or game to play?”
“What book are you reading right now?”
“If you could meet anyone from history, who would you meet?”
“What does it mean to be a friend?”
“What is your favorite holiday?”
Another way to stimulate appropriate conversation at the dinner table and to go digging for the gold that is in your children’s heart is to play the “Hi-Lo” game at the dinner table. Each person is encouraged to share their “high” moment of the day as well as their “low” moment of the day. This particular game encourages the ability to choose to celebrate in one another’s achievements or blessings. It also stimulates the compassion that is necessary to be empathetic when a family member is hurting. The “Hi-Lo” game often ended in prayer as our hearts were turned with love and grace to the child who might have been experiencing emotional pain.
Dinnertime was also a time of dreaming together and making future family plans.
“What do you want to do on Saturday? Go to the park? Go swimming?”
“Mimi’s birthday is coming up. How should we celebrate her?”
“Let’s make a list of things that we want to do this summer. Then, we can check off the list as we accomplish each thing.”
“What is the next book we should read together as a family?”
“What movie should we watch for movie night this week?”
“Is there a friend or a family that you all would like to invite over for dinner on Sunday night? What should we serve? Mexican? Breakfast food?”
I love this quote by Sally Clarkson who has become a leading expert on developing a family life that is wealthy in conversation, in beauty and in wonder: