I Choose Joy - April
I Choose Joy
- Emily Long
Joy in All Seasons
Do you ever struggle to feel joyful in the midst of hard circumstances?
If you do, you are not alone.
And you know that’s true, even though somehow we trick ourselves into believing that it’s not, thanks to an array of social media posts we can scroll through in an instant.
What I have found in my own personal life, is that joy looks different in different seasons. And it certainly looks different than what it looks like on social media.
Back in 2017, my husband and I became certified as foster parents. We were excited and nervous about what our future was going to look like. Prior to this, we had gone through a long season of infertility and recurrent miscarriage, and when we started our foster care journey, we did it with the intention of adopting only.
I was sure that my heart couldn’t handle one more loss.
However, after going through the trainings and learning more about the families and the circumstances which bring kids into care, we both knew we couldn’t turn away from that, and decided to become certified to foster and adopt.
I told my husband that I was SURE God was not going to allow us to get young kids, foster them for a couple years only to lose them. I believed with my whole heart that God was going to spare us that pain, and set us up with kids that were going to need a forever family.
When each call would come in from the agency asking if we would like to accept a new placement, we would feel overwhelmed by all the unknowns. Sometimes we felt a strong no, but most times we just really didn’t know what the “right” answer was.
We had a long talk and decided that when a call came in, as long as there wasn’t anything on our ‘absolutely not’ criteria, we would say yes, and fully trust God with our yes.
The next call that came in was for a newborn and 16 month old brothers. We said yes! Before I knew it, I was standing in my driveway, being handed a precious newborn baby, wrapped in a blanket at midnight on a random Monday in November.
What started as a simple yes, turned into 3 ½ years of ups and downs, steps backwards and sideways, apathetic employees, dedicated employees, confusion, heartbreak, disappointment and love.
What. A. Ride.
And though I had some low lows along with highs, I believe the only thing that sustained me was the peace, confidence, comfort and JOY that comes with fully surrendering our lives with a simple 3 letter word… YES.
During this season, joy didn’t look like jumping up and down and smiling most of the time.
Joy looked like choosing peace when I felt overwhelmed and scared.
Sometimes it has looked more like patience in no-end-in-sight waiting.
Other times it has looked more like surrendering when all I want to do is fight and “do”.
Most recently, joy has looked more like a deep-rooted confidence in God’s plan that is way outside of my own comprehension.
It looked like trust when I wanted control.
It looked like choosing to be present in the “what IS” instead of worrying about all of the “what if’s”.
It looked like loving and honoring bio parents that I didn’t always agree with.
It looked like showing up, and giving it my all for my kids, even though the reality was that they could be taken away and gone from us forever.
I don’t know how we would have survived the last 3 ½ years as a family without the peace and joy that only the Lord can provide.
And in the end, when the judge gave her decision that the boys would be best off to remain with us in our care, joy was feeling peace in spite of the heartbreak I felt for their bio parents.
Since then, joy has shown up as finally being able to picture a future with them. Imagining them going to high school and graduating, maybe going to college, and eventually finding beautiful wives.
It’s imagining all of the good night kisses, and kitchen dance parties. The trips and vacations, and always getting to be a “party of 5” when we go out to eat.
Joy is the fireworks in my heart and mind, and the tears welling up in my eyes, when I realize that God has answered this prayer for us. That the boys will be loved and safe forever.
Joy was when my now 4 year old said to me the day after trial (having no idea what had just happened):
“Mommy, I love you forever! And ever and ever! And EVER!”