I Choose Joy - March
I Choose Joy
- Angela Donadio
Finding Joy When Life is Out of Focus
“Come on in!” How I wish I were answering a knock at my door, welcoming you in my home. I’d invite you to choose your favorite mug or cup and saucer from a collection that has overtaken an entire cabinet. We’d sip tea or coffee as we shared stories and perhaps a few tears. I’d savor every moment. Yet, perhaps like me, you’ve hosted a visitor you never invited. He doesn’t call ahead, overstays his welcome, and threatens to unravel our beautiful, tapestried drapes. His name is adversity and his intimidating presence can certainly send our joy into hiding. Yet, adversity can also serve as our teacher, if we allow God to use it to focus our lens on His perspective. Two difficult seasons of illness nearly pulled apart the fabric of my life. Joy can disappear when health problems, strained relationships, and financial difficulties pay us a visit. No matter what you’re facing today, God can give you the strength to persevere and love the life you see.
In 2003, I began to feel ill and experience sharp pain I had never known before. I had no appetite and struggled for several months, losing weight and enduring bouts of excruciating pain. After weeks of doctor visits, I was admitted to the hospital. My heart rate had plummeted to 41 beats per minute and my blood pressure was hovering dangerously low at 76/40. I spent eleven days in the hospital with nothing to eat or drink until the doctors scheduled an extensive MRI.
Laying on my side in the only position my body could tolerate, completely alone, I watched the screen as the barium reached my stomach and stopped. The forty-five-minute GI test took seven hours. I lay on the cold, metal table hour after hour – drink, sit up, roll over, stand up, lay down, drink – and I heard the Lord say to me, “Angela, I know you can worship me in the sanctuary. I want to know if you can worship me here.” I have led worship hundreds of times, but this hospital room became holy ground. I sang quietly with tears flowing down my face, “Here I am to worship. Here I am to bow down. Here I am to say that You’re my God.” That moment of surrender ushered in my miracle.
There are no coincidences in God. A doctor on call at the hospital saw my films and happened to be studying for his medical board exams. He remembered a picture that looked like my films. They called in more specialists and finally gave me a diagnosis at 7:00 AM the next morning – Superior Mesenteric Artery Syndrome. SMA Syndrome is a rare, life-threatening disorder where the superior mesentery artery takes too sharp of a right turn. The first portion of my intestines, my duodenum, was compressing the artery and acting as an obstruction. A severely compromised artery kept my stomach from emptying properly. Two days later, a team of specialists made the decision to perform a duodenal jeujenostomy to bypass the affected portion of my intestines and relieve pressure on the artery. Then, they would reconnect the stomach to a lower section of the intestines.
The day of surgery was my low point. We didn't know if I would make it. I remember asking God, “What else could I need to learn? Why is this happening to me?” God reassured that this did not take Him by surprise. I survived the surgery, and after one more long and difficult week in the hospital, I could go home. I spent months reeling from trauma, adjusting to a scar than ran the length of my torso, and unable to eat solid food. Even in those dark days, God was whispering to me, breathing hope into my withered spirit. While recuperating, I took out a piece of paper and scribbled these words:
“I don't understand how this is in Your plan but I'll trust You anyhow.
I can’t possibly see what good is there for me but I'll trust You anyhow.”
This song completed my first album. This became a new way of living for me; learning to trust God’s character completely, even when life is out of focus.
Following surgery, there were times I questioned why God would spare my life when I couldn't eat or take care of my children the way I desired. He would reassure me that He was with me. His Spirit would remind me, “Because if it's for My glory, it’s for your good.” Now, I choose to believe that nothing happens to me that isn't filtered first through the loving hands of my Heavenly Father. God won’t allow anything to happen to us that He won't use to bring glory for Himself. God will not waste anything you go through. Don't fight the process God is taking you through. Instead, learn to trust His character.
We don't always have control over what happens to us. I’ve undergone several endoscopies to dilate (stretch) my esophagus and monitor what I eat. When I’m tempted to feel discouraged, I don’t allow my mind and spirit to dwell in those feelings. Instead, when difficulties come, I sustain my joy by reminding myself of who God is. Knowing God’s character helps us trust God’s heart.
If the enemy can steal your joy, He can steal your strength and your testimony. The joy of the Lord is your strength. God is altogether trustworthy. Spend time with Him and His Word until you completely trust Him regardless of your situation or circumstance. We cannot rise and fall based on external circumstances. I pray that as you take the time to read God’s Word, allowing it to find its way into the fabric of your heart and life, you will find greater joy and love the life you see.
Finding Joy When Life is Out of Focus: A Study of Philippians for Joy-Thirsty Women by Angela Donadio is available at angeladonadio.com or anywhere books are sold.